Because I said so, thats why!

My dad is not always the most easy going guy. Yes I know that he loves me and cares for me, but he has no clue, what free will is actually about. Amongst many other things my dad tries to control in my life…tonight he tried again. Does he realize that when I say “I just dont feel like it!” It means I just dont feel like it. So tonight he tells me and my brothers that we “have to” watch this movie called FACING THE GIANTS. Which Im sure is a very good movie. Actually I have heard it was a good movie. But honestly, I was playing my guitar and in the middle of a song, when Im told I have to stop and come and sit down and watch the family movie.  I explain in a nice way, that I dont want to, Im in the middle of something….and then he came back at me, and said, I dont care you will watch it because I said so. And yelled at me. You know, when you are forced into doing something, you dont want to do….I understand he wants me to watch it, because its a movie about family, and christianity, and love and he feels I will learn something…..and I will watch it, I will…..but right now…..I just dont feel like it. So there, because I said so. blah! But yes….I am watching the movie….and I will make the best of it!

Add a comment February 7, 2007

So Today was the day

December 11th 2006 will be a very important day in my life forever. The day that I really really really actually honest to God found my sister. Now a little Background on this story…

My sister Heather Marie dissapeared from my life when I was 6. And I since then, havent seen her since, nor did me or my family know where she was. My family, hired detectives, family searches, lost people, talked and contacted anyone who could give us a lead to where her whereabouts where…..and with no luck.

So last week, my Dad and I were sitting at the table going through old pictures and came across one of my sister and him. So I decided to try one last time, on my favorite website…..MYSPACE of course. Her name had changed so finding her was an issue. He thought of every name possible. Still nothing. Then an old old name came to my dad. I typed it in…..and there she was…..my sister, staring back at me, was the face of a woman, who I havent seen in 18 years.  Wow….how amazing is this. There she was…..Im still in awe. So I add her as a friend and write her a lil letter. Days go by no answer……..nothing…..until this morning. When I opened up my inbox and there she was. She answered me. She was happy to hear from me. Im still kinda shocked….cant wait to tell my dad…..How do you tell someone…”I found the daughter that you lost so long ago.”

Anyways more news….I am an Aunt…she has two boys. They look like my brothers actually. SOOOO weird really. In one day….I have a whole new family to love. Cant wait to see how things will go

2 comments December 11, 2006

The worst thing I ever saw

It was friday afternoon when I got the call,”you better get up to Washington today, we

Add a comment October 22, 2006

They say she is fading fast

There is a person in my life, who has never been there for me or my family. She has never attempted to be a part of my family. In fact every time that myself or my family tried to get closer to her….she would rant and rave and say horrible things……I dont love her……but I should…she is my Grandma after all.  But I dont. All I know her to be is a drunk and an evil woman.  Just recently when she learned the outcome of her life, did she decide to make amends of all the hurtful things she has done. “I love you” she tells me. Does she really?  She knows my name…she has my blood….But does she really love me?  She doesnt know a single thing about me. How am I supposed to react to that.  I dont hate her. But I dont love her.  And I feel soo bad about that.  News came my way today, that she may only have days left….I never knew her.  And there is so much I wish I could have talked to her about.  She is my only living Grandparent. Its not fair.  I cant leave to go and see her this weekend, and even if I could what would I say.  Should I call her and lie and say ” I love you back?”  There is no amends to make….Im not mad at her. And pride is not whats getting in the way. She is a stranger to me.  Thats sad you know.  All my friends they tell how much they love there grandparents and they did this, and that.  I honestly dont remember a single thing she has done for me.  All those years not a single Birthday card.  Not a single, lets just go out and have fun day.  Not a single anything. I feel bad because she knows whats comming.  Each day it gets more and more painful.  She cries out in pain, “why cant I just die, so this will all go away?” It makes me want to cry.  What do you say to a dying woman is who is my grandmother, who is but a stranger to me?

2 comments October 20, 2006