Everybody wants to be understood

Wow, so it has been sometime since my fingers led me to wonderful place i call….my blog. I have been very busy lately. So busy, that I have had no time for anyone, not even myself.  Im in yet another tough spot in my life right now. Worse then before even. Nothing is where I want it to be. I just have to remember to stay positive, and that it will get better. I know it will. It will take a long long time, and even though I cry myself to sleep, I just have to keep telling myself…..dont give up, because you are loved. I am, I am loved. I have wonderful parents that love me, and I am so thankful for that. I know that God loves me.  I am crying now. Pretty soon, I will have nothing left for my tears.  I just, cant wait until the weight of this world is off of my shoulders. I carry everything with me everyday. My problems, my roomates problems, my parents problems. Everything.  I feel so much better now that I have moved out with my best friend….or at least I should feel much better. But its almost not worth it. I would almost rather live with my parents again, at least there, I would have people that would want to be around me, and want to do something. I never see him, and when I do, we fight, really fight, all the time.  I work 70+ hours a week, for him and I. He works…around 12-15 hrs a week. It frustrates me so much, that he has things so easy, if he needs money, he can get it with out even trying. Me…..I have to get the 2nd job, and work my ass off, so that way I can pay bills. And then I come home late at night, and no one is home….and yet again, I am alone. He is out having fun with the friends that I used to have, that never talk to me anymore, and none of them ever ask me to do anything with them, even in the times when I am not working.  He wants me to give my dog to my mom when she moves away….but I feel that he is all I have, and I take good care of him. I bring him to my moms on my double shift days, so he is not alone.  And I know he loves me….and I need that right now….to feel loved. Sometimes, I feel like, my life will be like this forever….but I just have to remember that this will end. One day, I will feel free, and I will have my life back.  And  when I smile, it will be because I am happy, and not forced.  I dont want to fight anymore, I just want to feel, happy.  When you are young, you feel happy all the time, and I took that for granite. I look back, and the troubles I had then….I laugh at now.  I feel hidden in my body, like I walk around in a shell, never being able to be myself.  I want to sing. But I have no time. I want friends. But I have no time. I want to act. But I have no time. I want to help people. But I first have to help myself. Stay positive katrina, I have to say over and over, other wise, one day, I will fall, and I will not get back up.  My dream, I see it, I want it, yet it seems so far away, and unattainable. I see others reach it, but its so far away.  I just want my stage and my mic. Dont give up, dont give up. One day….one day…..dont give up Katrina, its jus the hurt that you hide. Dont give up, you are loved.

Add a comment July 21, 2007

AFI…apparently not for I…:-(

So I woke up this morning with such an anticipation for events that would occur later that night. I had my whole day planned out, weeks in advance. I knew what I was going to wear, I knew who I was going to meet. Work, then, tanning, then makeup, then hair, then the Armory, where I would  wait in line, for the AFI concert. Everything was set. In fact I wanted to make sure I was going to have a great night so bad, that I bought some of my friends tickets, to make sure that they were going to go.  I couldnt have been any more happier, today at 1:00 when I got off work. I was going to go to the local coffee shop where I had called ahead a time to reserve more tickets for myself and my best friends, since I had given all my others away. So I get there….and here is how our conversation went down.

“Two tickets please”

“Im sorry, we just sold out, 15 minutes ago”

“What? But I had some on reserve….Im getting two of them.”

“Yeah, Im sorry about that, they wont let us sell anymore, because we are already over the limit, and we have more, but like I said, I cant sell you anymore.”

There was honestly nothing i could do. There was no munipulation or lie I could tell to get me those tickets. So now this concert, which I was sooooo excited to see, and I couldnt wait, and I bought tickets for everyone….and some didnt even want to go that bad,but I bought them anyways to make sure we all would have fun……and NOW I CANT GO!!!!  I tried to hold back the tears, Michael was with me at the time. Thank God for Big Sunglasses.  I couldnt belive it. The Irony of it all…..Im just sooo upset.  Even writing this blog, is just making me mad. But I must admit, even thought it started off ….HORRIBLE….it turned out ok. Michael took me to lunch, and got me drunk almost on Pina Coladas….I got to take a nap…and hung out with  a new Friend at Sharis…which made my night…it seriously did…thanks Nick….and watch all of the people getting out of the concert come pouring in hundreds at a time, ready to eat huge amounts of food, and talk about the amazing concert. And now my day is over, and Im tired as hell…Well…I guess its ok, because I took the day, after a concert Im usually too wired to sleep, so I hang out with friends all night….but not this time…..maybe another….All I can say is…cant wait till Fall Out Boy in may….those tickets….Im not letting out of my site….for any reason!!! 

Add a comment March 8, 2007

Jesus a Whiskey Drinker????

I think not! So I dont know if you all are believers in Christ. But I am, so I felt this was important to say.  There is a man in Miami, who claims to be the Actual Christ Jesus.  THats right. Jesus.  His name is Jesus, that is true.  But….I believe this man is far from the REAL Christ. He has a HUUUUGE congregation in Miami, where he believes there is no such thing as sin. Thats right….no such thing. He believes that you can murder, and steal, and lie…and never, will it be called sin…just a crime,  As long as you believe in him….no no…not Jesus Christ in heaven, in the man Jesus that is in Florida, who drinks whiskey, who smokes, and wears a rolex, and drives a BMW, who is proud to stamp the 666 symbol on him and on his entire congregation. This so called church seriously believes there is no sin……who wouldnt like a church like that….serioulsy!!Its easy.  Jesus of Surberbia, this is not funny. IS this the next Jim Jones or Hitler??????  This man, has been in prison, who has been married twice, who was arrested for drug pocession, who was arrested driving under the influence, who surrounds himself with many woman. And yes, Jesus of Nazareth, did surround himself with with sinners….BUT JESUS WAS NEVER OF THIS WORLD, HE WAS NOT A SINNER!!!  Jesus helped people, he didnt live in a Trilion Dollar Houses, while there are people out there who are starving!!!  When he was asked “Why?  Why can you wear a rolex, and drive a BMW, and wear nice suits, when there are sooo many people out there that need help”  His answer……”I will give help to people if I see someone that needs helps.”
I couldnt be anymore upset. The worst part of all this interview on the OUTSIDERS on ABC, was when they interviewed the children…..the children are growing up believing that if they kill someone….it doesnt matter…..if they steal….it doesnt matter….IT DOESNT MATTER….because”jesus” says its ok.  Jesus, was poor, he didnt care about material items, he didnt care to wear name brand things, he didnt need any of that.  I just need everyone to pray, that this man, who is soooo much like Hitler in ways, gets a wake up call, and stops this madness…and if not, then…for everyone us to wake up, and realize who the real Jesus Christ is….but…it is soooo important.  Just stay away from the Black KoolAid.  Just pray….just pray…..   -kat-

1 comment March 7, 2007